Obstacles

Well, I feel like a complete loser! Not really, but sad and disappointed. Although this is not the first obstacle I've hit in ANY relationship I've had or this one for that matter, this is an obstacle that is out of my realm. Dave has not spoken to me for a week and our last conversation was his struggles to forgive me for abandoning him when I left our marriage. I don't know what it feels like to be abandoned. I have been dumped in relationships - many times! But abandonment was not what I felt. The Lord has always carried me through and I've always had a good support network of friends and family. I do not know what he's going through - but for now, released from the pressures of being a mate is one of them. With me anyway. We have a lot of baggage. I've made a lot of mistakes. I've been forgiven by our gracious God over and over again. More times than I really care to recount. It is not in my list of available options not to forgive those who have sinned against me. Who am I to cast grudery, resentment and hatred when I myself have been washed of my sins over again. I'm so sorry he's going through all of this. I'm sorry that it feels as though I mimized my transgressions because I'm able to forgive and move past the slavery that those hurts can hold over you when you can't fully give them to the Lord. I asked him to forgive me more than once. Matthew 18:15-35 reminds us that when Peter tried to negotiate with the Lord for the number of times you can forgive a sinner - he thought 7. Jesus corrected him saying.... as many times as it takes. I do not exect our relationship to return to it's original package. Sometimes, you wish it could - at the point in time when things were best. But in a relationship committment, I do exect him to take time and energy to get to know me, not be my record keeper of wrongs.

The future holds a great deal of optimism, love and a Godly man for me. It also holds more sin, heartache and trials. Who knows what will happen. I will always work towards having my family repaired and a reconciliation is ALWAYS an option. For now, it's me, growing, working with the Lord on my walk in life and living for HIM.

~Sandy