Seems everyone needs security. Dawson was insistant on buckling in his "Super Pig" whom he's named Lucy one week, Ed the next. Not sure of his/her name this week. But there "it" sits on the couch. Dawson puts blankets over him/her when Dawson is cold. Shares his dinner - even shared an apple earlier today. I'm greatful Dawson has acquired skills of caretaking and empathy. It makes me proud that he's developed a conscience.
I watched him while at dinner the other night and the music was playing in the background a little louder than normal. He had his eyes closed, chewing a corn dog and in perfect rhythm moving to the music.
I often wish I were that in tune. Remember the days when you actually knew how to relax. I feel impatient lately. Rushing through the day, not having a desire to wait, enjoy. I feel an imense lack of security. I have everything to be secure about. I have a secure job. I have a place to live. I have a decent income. I have money in the bank. I have a super little boy, food in the fridge, clean clothes. So, what's to feel so insecure? The person you could turn too. Of everything I have, the Lord is feeling so frustrated that it's never enough. When it is. I'd really like to understand why I need to feel secure arms around me. That nothing could go wrong. It's been years since I've had that. Everything rests on my shoulders.
Today I was tired. We spent the entire day yesterday at the park, running around, playing. Dawson had friends over. We played games. Dawson helped me make brownies. Today, I just wanted to rest. There is no rest. Back to the park. Constant conversation. There is no joke when someone said parenting is Full-time. Out of frustration before dinner, I sat on the couch and said, I need a break. Dawson sat with me for about 3-5 minutes. I'm probably being generous. "Break over" he yelled and said can we walk to the park now. Leaving a messy apartment, which was clean when we woke up - off we walked to the park. It is a beautiful day outside. But, I need a break.
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