In the Clouds

Ironically, I am literally typing this from the clouds. What better place! As I fly home from a grand weekend spent with some of my closest friends with some real heart to hearts, I was reminded of a few things. Isn't it interesting how when we feel uncertain we go to what we know? The people I spent this weekend with are my home. Not the place per se, but the people. One of my greatest fears in life is to not feel protected by someone who is there for me. Namely, a spouse in my case, but I don't have that someone so I seek my dearest friends for that protection. It wasn't until 3am this morning that one of my dearest friends who seems to know my heart in such a way I will never know, said "the Bible tells us that you can't find yourself till you lose yourself". It's so true. I am not that lost, but have yet to put 100% full faith in The Lord. I have no idea how to do that. I suppose I'm equally "unfound" as many of us continually searching. So, I sit in the clouds and dream about my life. Who I want to be. What I want to be. Where I want to be. Happily, I am who I want to be. I'm a very giving, loving, honest, loyal person and although I struggle with my outward appearance and improvements to where I feel my best, my work can always get better, my motherhood skills can always be dialed in, but my heart - the sole foundation of a person is in the very spot I want it. What I want to be is a work in progress. People in and out of our lives mold and shape that betterment of what we become. The opportunities we take advantage of, the experiences we grow in and the consequences of day to day decisions. I look forward to that ongoing process. Where I want to be will never be enough - despite having enough. Despite being content in my own skin, my successes in my work and the rewards of parenting, I will always strive for more. I never will give up on seeking to achieve the goals and doing my part to contribute to the success of those important to me. Call me a dreamer for reaching beyond the norm and knowing without a doubt what it is I want. You. Our kids. A cute little house, living the dream. Because dreams happen in the midst of life ups and downs, good days and bad, certainty and uncertainty, blessed days and sad days, mad times and happy times. And although dreams take time to work towards, adjust, and ultimately achieve it won't happen today or even tomorrow, maybe not even next year - but it will come true. That's what is so great about flying in the clouds - when you are up here looking at the whole view - you can see everything!

Do-Over's

First, I'm very disappointed in myself that my last post was almost a year ago! Shame on me! Although an eventful year - it should not go without blogging. With that said, I'm almost glad I have not blogged about the last year. It's had it's ups and downs. Finishing on a downer - but I saw the quote just two days ago. When things seem to be falling apart it's just God putting the pieces back the way he wants it.So, the burden is off. He wins! I did it my way and now it's his turn. Thank goodness! Why do we always think we can do it better than the all mighty? Like little children that disobey their parents and test the waters of their independence. I don't want to be independent from the Lord. Obviously, I have to keep reminding myself of that.Without writing about the past year - it would just depress me (Other than my fantastic week long vacation with Holly & Rachel in May) - I'm going to tell you about the future.That is my point! It's blank and unsure and scary and unplanned and not up to me. I find myself again in a lost place of the unknown. Feeling like there is no more home. Just living life till something happens, takes us in and surrounds us with the walls that protect and cherish our existence. Another test of faith for sure.On a more positive note - I have not shared with many of you that I have been diligently working my butt off in a 90 day Challenge with my good friend Brigitte Lunsford in Idaho Falls. She is my beach body coach. I'm often times embarrassed to even say that because y'all know I am NO beach body and far from it. And to even want a fit, athletic body seems almost impossible. BUT, I will say that after 2 weeks of my Shakeology shakes (which are SO yummy - and nobody is paying me to say that!) and my workouts have slowly begun to re-frame my attitude AND body. The scale is moving at a snails pace - sometimes even in the wrong direction. But my clothes are starting to not fit right and I feel tighter and tighter by the day. I do feel good. I'm lacking some energy which I need to improve with my protein intake due to my gastric bypass surgery and less calories but I have made strides in some very deep embedded changes that have been part of my life since I was a kid. My food choices, especially fast food has slowed drastically. Can you even believe that last week I went through drive-thru almost out of habit for breakfast because I was late and unprepared only to throw it in the garbage at the end of the drive thru!!! Who does that! I would have given it to a homeless person, but there are none in our area. I've filled my diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, workout schedule that I prioritize and have to self-talk myself constantly! Seriously, even half hour ago I went looking for a pre-dinner snack and ended with a few bites of pinto beans. Weird I know - but works. Tomorrow is grocery day. :)Besides all of that, work has been keeping me going full speed. I have never been so busy in all my life. I love it.Dawson has also been busy this summer with summer school and play days at KidsWork. I lost count of the field trips to Darien Lake 6 flags. He even went camping the other night with the kids. He's doing a great job and working hard. He's in two reading summer classes and a math tutor. Although he will be repeating first grade again - he'll be starting at a new school as well. A fresh start for him too. We are learning together in our own ways that often times the biggest disappointment turns to be the greatest stepping stone to greatness. Thank you so much to all those that stick with us. We need uour friendships, love our family and are so grateful for the blessings that we have daily being together. God Bless.~Sandy