In the Clouds

Ironically, I am literally typing this from the clouds. What better place! As I fly home from a grand weekend spent with some of my closest friends with some real heart to hearts, I was reminded of a few things. Isn't it interesting how when we feel uncertain we go to what we know? The people I spent this weekend with are my home. Not the place per se, but the people. One of my greatest fears in life is to not feel protected by someone who is there for me. Namely, a spouse in my case, but I don't have that someone so I seek my dearest friends for that protection. It wasn't until 3am this morning that one of my dearest friends who seems to know my heart in such a way I will never know, said "the Bible tells us that you can't find yourself till you lose yourself". It's so true. I am not that lost, but have yet to put 100% full faith in The Lord. I have no idea how to do that. I suppose I'm equally "unfound" as many of us continually searching. So, I sit in the clouds and dream about my life. Who I want to be. What I want to be. Where I want to be. Happily, I am who I want to be. I'm a very giving, loving, honest, loyal person and although I struggle with my outward appearance and improvements to where I feel my best, my work can always get better, my motherhood skills can always be dialed in, but my heart - the sole foundation of a person is in the very spot I want it. What I want to be is a work in progress. People in and out of our lives mold and shape that betterment of what we become. The opportunities we take advantage of, the experiences we grow in and the consequences of day to day decisions. I look forward to that ongoing process. Where I want to be will never be enough - despite having enough. Despite being content in my own skin, my successes in my work and the rewards of parenting, I will always strive for more. I never will give up on seeking to achieve the goals and doing my part to contribute to the success of those important to me. Call me a dreamer for reaching beyond the norm and knowing without a doubt what it is I want. You. Our kids. A cute little house, living the dream. Because dreams happen in the midst of life ups and downs, good days and bad, certainty and uncertainty, blessed days and sad days, mad times and happy times. And although dreams take time to work towards, adjust, and ultimately achieve it won't happen today or even tomorrow, maybe not even next year - but it will come true. That's what is so great about flying in the clouds - when you are up here looking at the whole view - you can see everything!