I think I've said this on several occassions during my "blogging" life, this will be no exception. Almost standing here in nakedness, fully vulnerable to the scrutiny of others - but this is my life and my eternal livelyhood depends on it. This change of heart I have experienced is valuable to me - it means my salvation. Tonight, I have opened my heart to Jesus. I have surrendered to him. I received him into my soul and feel so full of the spirit and his love it's overwhelming.
I have so much gratitude for the love and acceptance I have for this beautiful gift. A work in progress and today I can leave it with Jesus. God has choosen me and the feeling of approval despite any sin of mine has breathed new life into me. I finally feel free to be me. To be the woman that God created and do the things which he leads me to do. What a powerful thing to have - to serve God with such intense love. I've always had so much love in me to give. I've spent years and years controling who got a piece of that love only to find discontent. That love all bottled up and given in small doses is now overflowing.
I was losing the battle as a single mother controlling me, my son, our environment, what comes in, what goes out. Constantly manipulating my future, dwelling on a past of mistakes, living in envy of others. I do not do drugs. I do not drink. I don't swear (too often), but my addiction to self-pity, to manipulate others and control my life to feed my soul was destructive. There is no love is moving others away from their own salvation. God does not lead us to evil. I opened the door to my soul and gave my life to the man who shed the blood for me. Who paid the price for any sin I committed and will continue to committ. I am immperfect. I am a sinner. I relinquish myself to the Lord Jesus and prayerfully encircle him with such gratitude for his sacrifice for me. I now know what it feels like to be a child of God. To be choosen. To live in freedom.
May the blessings continue to pour upon those that I cross paths with. My life be the life that God granted me and the purpose he has for me. I open myself to listen with the purest of intentions to do good. I'm so happy.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A friend is someone you can.....
I'm just curious.... Who came up with the whole ideal that you date your friends. I remember when I was a teenager and what little I dated, we dated amongst our group of friends. It was more for group dating and building friendships than anything. Although I was infatuated with the boys I dated, I wasn't really looking at anyone of them that I dated as a potential mate. It was all in fun and experience.
When I "dated" my ex-husband, I didn't set out to find friends and date them. I set out to find a potential mate. Someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Criteria was that we became friends during the dating process and ultimately become each other's best friend - then marry. That's how the process exactly went. I had guy friends during that process and didn't want to "date" anyone of them - although they were good friends and we had fun times.
So, now as a single woman seeking that potential mate - this time for all time and eternity, I had a defining moment - I'm not interested in dating my friends. I want to date potential mates. One whom becomes my close friend and ulitmately my best friend - then at that point potentially marry.
What happens when you have a "friend" that you want to date because you realize they have many qualities you want in a mate. The boundaries change. It's almost backwards. I see profiles online of men that want to make friends first. I can understand the "polite" disclosure. Nobody wants to be rejected and if a woman is not a potentiall mate - it's easier to say - we can be just friends. Same goes for women. Why do we need disclosures? To spare feelings? If there is not chemistry - I'm thinking either of you will realize this and although a friendship may continue to some degree, the ability to move beyond that because you become better friends will not turn to dating.
My conclusion, I'm not looking to make more male friends. I have some great, really close friends whom I love, trust and enjoy being around. I want to find a potential mate who becomes my bestest friend of all time.
When I "dated" my ex-husband, I didn't set out to find friends and date them. I set out to find a potential mate. Someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Criteria was that we became friends during the dating process and ultimately become each other's best friend - then marry. That's how the process exactly went. I had guy friends during that process and didn't want to "date" anyone of them - although they were good friends and we had fun times.
So, now as a single woman seeking that potential mate - this time for all time and eternity, I had a defining moment - I'm not interested in dating my friends. I want to date potential mates. One whom becomes my close friend and ulitmately my best friend - then at that point potentially marry.
What happens when you have a "friend" that you want to date because you realize they have many qualities you want in a mate. The boundaries change. It's almost backwards. I see profiles online of men that want to make friends first. I can understand the "polite" disclosure. Nobody wants to be rejected and if a woman is not a potentiall mate - it's easier to say - we can be just friends. Same goes for women. Why do we need disclosures? To spare feelings? If there is not chemistry - I'm thinking either of you will realize this and although a friendship may continue to some degree, the ability to move beyond that because you become better friends will not turn to dating.
My conclusion, I'm not looking to make more male friends. I have some great, really close friends whom I love, trust and enjoy being around. I want to find a potential mate who becomes my bestest friend of all time.
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