I think I've said this on several occassions during my "blogging" life, this will be no exception. Almost standing here in nakedness, fully vulnerable to the scrutiny of others - but this is my life and my eternal livelyhood depends on it. This change of heart I have experienced is valuable to me - it means my salvation. Tonight, I have opened my heart to Jesus. I have surrendered to him. I received him into my soul and feel so full of the spirit and his love it's overwhelming.
I have so much gratitude for the love and acceptance I have for this beautiful gift. A work in progress and today I can leave it with Jesus. God has choosen me and the feeling of approval despite any sin of mine has breathed new life into me. I finally feel free to be me. To be the woman that God created and do the things which he leads me to do. What a powerful thing to have - to serve God with such intense love. I've always had so much love in me to give. I've spent years and years controling who got a piece of that love only to find discontent. That love all bottled up and given in small doses is now overflowing.
I was losing the battle as a single mother controlling me, my son, our environment, what comes in, what goes out. Constantly manipulating my future, dwelling on a past of mistakes, living in envy of others. I do not do drugs. I do not drink. I don't swear (too often), but my addiction to self-pity, to manipulate others and control my life to feed my soul was destructive. There is no love is moving others away from their own salvation. God does not lead us to evil. I opened the door to my soul and gave my life to the man who shed the blood for me. Who paid the price for any sin I committed and will continue to committ. I am immperfect. I am a sinner. I relinquish myself to the Lord Jesus and prayerfully encircle him with such gratitude for his sacrifice for me. I now know what it feels like to be a child of God. To be choosen. To live in freedom.
May the blessings continue to pour upon those that I cross paths with. My life be the life that God granted me and the purpose he has for me. I open myself to listen with the purest of intentions to do good. I'm so happy.
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